I've been very blessed to have mostly enjoyed most of my jobs. Sure, there were days at Disneyland that i never wanted to see cotton candy again, and days where guests drove me nuts (like the lady who pitied us working on Christmas day as she bought something from me. Sure. Real sympathy that was.) I learned good service skills there and at Nordstrom; learned how to type rapidly, fix copy machines, and manage small accounts as an admin assistant for a print shop; learned a lot about everything from life to graphic layout from working at a church.
Teaching--high school or older adults--is exhausting but rewarding, and i thought i loved my current job (teaching older adults) until i began the Forest Service job. Then i learned what loving a job really is. Usually these two-hour classes leave me drained, my voice has been hurting a lot the past few weeks, and the constant demand to prepare for the upcoming lesson is a like a small stone in a shoe during a long hike. Landscape architecture for the Forest Service, in contrast, leaves me energized and ready to work way past the time to go home! I have the day off tomorrow and i wish i didn't; i've gone in on a few weekends; it's all i can do (illegality is the main barrier) to not bring work home.
It is not without anxiety, however, that i realized next week is my last full week with the older adults. I don't want to tell them: i want to just disappear. I know that's not healthy, not for them or for me, but i hate goodbyes, i hate disappointing people, i hate making people sad. I've known them for two years and some of them feel like quasi-grandparents. I've seen their ups and downs and many of them have few visitors. They'll have a new teacher, but i will miss seeing them and they say they like my class most. The cynic in me doubts that; the soft-heart in me, somewhere in there, mourns. If only i'd have time to visit once in a while--but i know i won't, not really, not realistically.
:(
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Amazing
Today my car died in traffic and cost me nearly a paycheck to get repaired, and i was told by my mother and by a registered nurse that i should get myself to a doctor within 24 hours. I was late to work and had to work late to make up for it. A friend had to pick me up, take me to my car, meet me at my apartment, and then meet me at my parents' house so i could drop off my mom's car.
It was a long day.
In some books, it might have qualified for the moniker, "bad day". On the other hand, though, i woke up refreshed and made it to the first job on time. When my car died--in traffic--it began acting strange just before the freeway onramp and so, THANK GOD, i was not in the second lane at 65+ mph when it kerplunked. I'd have been toast. And, after waiting and trying to get it to start through three green lights, a jogger stopped and wonderfully offered to push me out of traffic. He was so nice; i need to pay it forward. I was beginning to panic. I called Triple A and everytime it connected me to a person, it hung up on me. But, they called back and got a tow truck guy there. A policeman stopped to make sure everything was okay. My mom was able to pick me up--i broke down near her work and her work was back on my way to my second job--so i was able to get to my second job, even if i was half an hour late. And it was only half an hour late. The free towing covered all but a mile to my mechanic, who was able to squeeze my car in and get it fixed. I have it back. And fine, i'll go to urgent care tomorrow as soon as i wake up, i promise.
So, it wasn't such a bad day after all. I'm alive. I could ask: hey, if God could provide a person to push me out of traffic and let my car die before i got on the freeway, why couldn't He keep it from dying altogether? But, see, i don't think God often intervenes to change the laws of physics. If He did, they wouldn't be laws and we wouldn't be able to see the marvelously complex and simple beauty of His creation and the consistency and justice of Him. I don't treat my fuel pump as well as i should. The car breaking down was due to come. I'm just grateful He doesn't make me learn my lessons any harder than they need to be.
It was a long day.
In some books, it might have qualified for the moniker, "bad day". On the other hand, though, i woke up refreshed and made it to the first job on time. When my car died--in traffic--it began acting strange just before the freeway onramp and so, THANK GOD, i was not in the second lane at 65+ mph when it kerplunked. I'd have been toast. And, after waiting and trying to get it to start through three green lights, a jogger stopped and wonderfully offered to push me out of traffic. He was so nice; i need to pay it forward. I was beginning to panic. I called Triple A and everytime it connected me to a person, it hung up on me. But, they called back and got a tow truck guy there. A policeman stopped to make sure everything was okay. My mom was able to pick me up--i broke down near her work and her work was back on my way to my second job--so i was able to get to my second job, even if i was half an hour late. And it was only half an hour late. The free towing covered all but a mile to my mechanic, who was able to squeeze my car in and get it fixed. I have it back. And fine, i'll go to urgent care tomorrow as soon as i wake up, i promise.
So, it wasn't such a bad day after all. I'm alive. I could ask: hey, if God could provide a person to push me out of traffic and let my car die before i got on the freeway, why couldn't He keep it from dying altogether? But, see, i don't think God often intervenes to change the laws of physics. If He did, they wouldn't be laws and we wouldn't be able to see the marvelously complex and simple beauty of His creation and the consistency and justice of Him. I don't treat my fuel pump as well as i should. The car breaking down was due to come. I'm just grateful He doesn't make me learn my lessons any harder than they need to be.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Hmm
I have a pen pal.
It's kind of weird to have a pen pal at this age. When you're a little kid, it doesn't seem to matter much who the person is. You just write them about your day, your pets, and your siblings and they write back in a similar vein. Then it ends.
This is a little different, and one can easily be deceived into thinking one knows this correspondent. I'm easily reminded that the written word was invented to convey the spoken--and i have no idea how my pen pal would speak. I've met pen pals before and been sorely disappointed--the voice i imagined reading the letters was not at all the voice that truly existed and spoke. I didn't like the real voice. Maybe that was because of the fantasy set up by mere written correspondence, but i think a true part of it was that we weren't really friends. We didn't really know each other. We knew what we thought was the other, but it wasn't us.
Anyway, now i accidentally have a pen pal. I wonder how long it will last, and if we will be friends in person ever. How strange.
It's kind of weird to have a pen pal at this age. When you're a little kid, it doesn't seem to matter much who the person is. You just write them about your day, your pets, and your siblings and they write back in a similar vein. Then it ends.
This is a little different, and one can easily be deceived into thinking one knows this correspondent. I'm easily reminded that the written word was invented to convey the spoken--and i have no idea how my pen pal would speak. I've met pen pals before and been sorely disappointed--the voice i imagined reading the letters was not at all the voice that truly existed and spoke. I didn't like the real voice. Maybe that was because of the fantasy set up by mere written correspondence, but i think a true part of it was that we weren't really friends. We didn't really know each other. We knew what we thought was the other, but it wasn't us.
Anyway, now i accidentally have a pen pal. I wonder how long it will last, and if we will be friends in person ever. How strange.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
On panicking
My bank was closed this weekend.
This past week, my boss and i drove many miles to the picnic area from the office and back. I drove once, because he needed to eat breakfast. Then he drove back, and he's driven ever since. I think it alarmed him that i swerved for animals, dead or alive.
Nah, i know it alarmed him, because he mentioned it Friday. "Y'know how you swerve for animals in the road?" he said. "And panic? What if there was oncoming traffic?"
There wasn't, i replied. In split seconds i notice there's no oncoming traffic and there's a dead squished thing that i don't want splattered on the car or thunking under me, and i swerve. I've never hit anyone in street traffic and i avoid running over things then too.
He thinks--and rightly--that i should train myself to swerve to the shoulder or at least get the creature under the undercarriage of the vehicle, not avoid it altogether. I need to work on my panic reflexes.
AND SO DOES THE REST OF THE COUNTRY. Yeesh, people, have you never read the fine print of the FDIC? Have you not studied the Great Depression and learned about the safety nets installed so that people losing their life savings in banks doesn't happen again? Do you know that banks closing and stock prices crashing are self-fulfilling prophecies and YOUR panic is part of what sets them off and makes them come true? I understand there were some less than wise decisions made by the bank, and that its share prices fell. They had a plan to maintain liquidity, though, and that was ruined by people panicking and withdrawing funds: funds that were insured. They couldn't have been lost. And now the entire thing is dead.
Arg.
EDIT: Today, the idiocy continues. I agree there was probably greed involved in the bank's collapse, but that is no excuse for idiocy (or for signing something to get a house. What about personal integrity?) Where are the brains of people who waited in line today, saying "I'm going to take my money out, if it's still there." OF COURSE it's still there! That's what the FDIC has been saying in print, on the phone, and online all weekend! Arg.
This past week, my boss and i drove many miles to the picnic area from the office and back. I drove once, because he needed to eat breakfast. Then he drove back, and he's driven ever since. I think it alarmed him that i swerved for animals, dead or alive.
Nah, i know it alarmed him, because he mentioned it Friday. "Y'know how you swerve for animals in the road?" he said. "And panic? What if there was oncoming traffic?"
There wasn't, i replied. In split seconds i notice there's no oncoming traffic and there's a dead squished thing that i don't want splattered on the car or thunking under me, and i swerve. I've never hit anyone in street traffic and i avoid running over things then too.
He thinks--and rightly--that i should train myself to swerve to the shoulder or at least get the creature under the undercarriage of the vehicle, not avoid it altogether. I need to work on my panic reflexes.
AND SO DOES THE REST OF THE COUNTRY. Yeesh, people, have you never read the fine print of the FDIC? Have you not studied the Great Depression and learned about the safety nets installed so that people losing their life savings in banks doesn't happen again? Do you know that banks closing and stock prices crashing are self-fulfilling prophecies and YOUR panic is part of what sets them off and makes them come true? I understand there were some less than wise decisions made by the bank, and that its share prices fell. They had a plan to maintain liquidity, though, and that was ruined by people panicking and withdrawing funds: funds that were insured. They couldn't have been lost. And now the entire thing is dead.
Arg.
EDIT: Today, the idiocy continues. I agree there was probably greed involved in the bank's collapse, but that is no excuse for idiocy (or for signing something to get a house. What about personal integrity?) Where are the brains of people who waited in line today, saying "I'm going to take my money out, if it's still there." OF COURSE it's still there! That's what the FDIC has been saying in print, on the phone, and online all weekend! Arg.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
So clueless
So, someone thinks i'm naive. I know i'm naive. Then again, i think i reached the peak of cluelessness this past week when i unthinkingly gave someone my phone number. Why did i do that? Because he asked. Not being practiced in turning down requests for my phone number, and because he seemed like a normal person with perhaps business/networking reasons to telephone, i gave it to him. I didn't think it was a date or anything like that.
I D 10 T ERROR.
Because he called at least three times between when i gave it to him and the evening of that same day even though he knew i was working and proceeded to call a total of 12 times, plus a text message, plus even calling my BOSS and asking them to get a hold of me, in the next three.
Y'know, if he'd left one message that afternoon, i might have actually returned the call. Checking my messages after work and discovering three in five hours freaked me out just a teensy bit.
The next man who asks for my phone number will have to have references and go through psychological testing before i give it to him!
I D 10 T ERROR.
Because he called at least three times between when i gave it to him and the evening of that same day even though he knew i was working and proceeded to call a total of 12 times, plus a text message, plus even calling my BOSS and asking them to get a hold of me, in the next three.
Y'know, if he'd left one message that afternoon, i might have actually returned the call. Checking my messages after work and discovering three in five hours freaked me out just a teensy bit.
The next man who asks for my phone number will have to have references and go through psychological testing before i give it to him!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Not by works
I'm trying to do too much and not doing most of it well.
For example, i forgot to make a phone call today. Not only forgot to make it, but forgot i was supposed to make it. Make that two important phone calls.
I need to learn to start saying no and not picking up things simply because they are enjoyable. When doing too much, nothing is enjoyable anymore and i become undependable. I don't want to be that person.
Here's to change. In August.
For example, i forgot to make a phone call today. Not only forgot to make it, but forgot i was supposed to make it. Make that two important phone calls.
I need to learn to start saying no and not picking up things simply because they are enjoyable. When doing too much, nothing is enjoyable anymore and i become undependable. I don't want to be that person.
Here's to change. In August.
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