Transitioning work

I've been very blessed to have mostly enjoyed most of my jobs. Sure, there were days at Disneyland that i never wanted to see cotton candy again, and days where guests drove me nuts (like the lady who pitied us working on Christmas day as she bought something from me. Sure. Real sympathy that was.) I learned good service skills there and at Nordstrom; learned how to type rapidly, fix copy machines, and manage small accounts as an admin assistant for a print shop; learned a lot about everything from life to graphic layout from working at a church.

Teaching--high school or older adults--is exhausting but rewarding, and i thought i loved my current job (teaching older adults) until i began the Forest Service job. Then i learned what loving a job really is. Usually these two-hour classes leave me drained, my voice has been hurting a lot the past few weeks, and the constant demand to prepare for the upcoming lesson is a like a small stone in a shoe during a long hike. Landscape architecture for the Forest Service, in contrast, leaves me energized and ready to work way past the time to go home! I have the day off tomorrow and i wish i didn't; i've gone in on a few weekends; it's all i can do (illegality is the main barrier) to not bring work home.

It is not without anxiety, however, that i realized next week is my last full week with the older adults. I don't want to tell them: i want to just disappear. I know that's not healthy, not for them or for me, but i hate goodbyes, i hate disappointing people, i hate making people sad. I've known them for two years and some of them feel like quasi-grandparents. I've seen their ups and downs and many of them have few visitors. They'll have a new teacher, but i will miss seeing them and they say they like my class most. The cynic in me doubts that; the soft-heart in me, somewhere in there, mourns. If only i'd have time to visit once in a while--but i know i won't, not really, not realistically.

:(