Can't stand still, but going forward through the fire...? Not so fun.

Butterflies need the pressure and stress of breaking out of their chrysalides to make their wings fill out and dry.

Gold, silver, and other precious metals need high temperatures to burn out the dross and make them pure enough to use (and be pretty).

Stones and gems require polishing--with tiny bits of grit!--and cutting--with sharp implements!--to show off their brilliance and beauty and make them sparkle.

Trees need to move and sway in the wind to build up root strength. A tree guyed-and-staked too long will fall over much too easily once released.

Muscles grow from work and strain.

But, i am not a butterfly, a stone, gold, or a tree, although i do have muscles; those, however, get quite enough work typing papers and reports for work and moving a mouse around. (And doing dishes.) I am not spreading new wings; i'm not going to be used to conduct electricity or represent true love; i am not brilliant; i am not going to fall over in a storm (almost did twice, but i do think my feet are finally firmly planted again); and i'm pretty happy with my muscle tone, thank-you-very-much.

(Okay, okay, so i guess in some ways i could stretch spiritual analogy counter-arguments to all of those.)

I hate job applications. Filling out applications is the last thing my fingers need for exercise. And they sure do get my spirits down: what is my knowledge, skill, and ability? I mean, really? I dunno.

This is not a plea for help or fishing for compliments. I do know what i'm good at, mostly, and where i could use improvement (or should count myself out). But as a new professional, i really have no idea how i compare to the state of the field, and i have pitiful little job experience, and hate fishing for the magic words that some search engine is going to use to weed me out, and overall, feel quite grumpy after filling out screen after screen of information.

If only i could stand still and stay here. I just might be able to, and i just might, for once. But would that be taking the easy road? And shouldn't i go on being refined?

What will be left?

And am i exaggerating how hard this is? Yup. I'm having a little fit, and then i'll buckle down and finish them. Although, as Gary Paulsen says in Hatchet, self-pity isn't just wrong: it's pretty useless, too. After my little fit, i may feel a little better, but the applications still will be sitting there, staring at me, daring me to fill them out.

Ah, a dare works. I'll finish them, the little goads! Take that!