I am processing shock; and while hoping for vindication, also praying that i live a life that doesn't cause someone to cry out for vindication against me.
Last night, i thought that i see a point to feeling better after sitting on the ground and pouring ashes or dust on my head. I really do. And keening.
But after that's all done, the fact remains that the situation is unchanged. Or rather, the situation is unchanged but i'm now covered in dust and ashes, with nothing but dirt in my hands.
Maybe dirt can become soil. Maybe something good (better even) will come out of this--of course that could be. And really, I'm really not that bad off. I'm not sitting in dirt and ashes. It's an answer to a question i've been asking for months and months, although not the delivery i hoped for. And it's that--it's the sense of being wronged that stings vehemently, and that whispers lies about value and worth that i'm fighting to ignore.
And so: may i live a life that doesn't cause someone to cry out for vindication against me. May i welcome the crisis, because "there is no crisis that comes to us without a gift in its hands".
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
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birding life list (in process!)
- White-crowned Sparrow (Zonotrichia ?) in winter
- Western Wood-Pewee (Contopu sordidulus)
- Western Tanager (Piranga ludoviciana)
- Western Scrub Jay (Aphelocoma californica)
- Western Bluebird (Sialia mexicana)
- Tufted Titmouse (Baeolophus bicolor)
- Stellar's Jay (Cyanocitta stelleri)
- Sparkling Violetear (Colibri coruscans)
- Snowy Owl (Nyctea scandiaca)
- Snowy Egret (Egretta thula)
- Ruddy Duck (Oxyura jamaicensis)
- Red-winged Blackbird (Agelaius phoeniceus)
- Red-tailed Hawk (Buteo jamaicensis)
- Pied Crow (Corvus albus)
- Northern Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottos)
- Northern Cardinal (Cardinalis cardinalis)
- Mourning Dove (Zenaida macroura)
- Mallard (Anas platyrhynochos)
- male Superb Sunbird (Cinnyris superbus) i think
- Malachite Kingfisher (Alcedo cristata)
- Lesser Goldfinch, greenbacked (Carduelis psaltria)
- Lazuli Bunting (Passerina amoena)
- Indigo Bunting (Passerina cyanea)
- House Finch (Carpodacus mexicanus)
- Hooded Oriole (Icterus cucullatus nelsoni)
- Greater Roadrunner (Geococcyx califorianus)
- Great Horned Owl (Bubo virginianus)
- Great Blue Heron (Ardea herodias)
- Congo African Grey (Psittacus erithacus erithacus)
- Common Garden Bulbul (Pychonotus barbatus)
- Cinnamon Teal (Anas cyanoptera)
- Cattle Egret (Bubulcus ibis)
- Canada Goose (Branta canadensis)
- California Towhee, juvenile (Pipilo crissalis)
- California Thrasher (Toxostoma redivivum)
- Brown Pelican (Pelecanus occidentalis)
- Blue Jay (Cyanocitta cristata)
- Black-crowned Night-Heron (Nycticorax nycticorax)
- Black-capped Chickadee (Poecile atricapillus)
- Black Phoebe (Sayornis nigricans)
- Black Crowned Waxbill (Estralida nonnula)
- Bald Eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus)
- Anna's Hummingbird (Calypte anna)
- American Robin (Turdus migratorius)
- American Kestrel (Falco sparverius)
- American Goldfinch (Carduelis tristis)
- American Coot (Fulica americana)
- American Avocet (Recurvirostra americana)
- African Pygmy-Kingfisher (Ispidina picta)
- Acorn Woodpecker (Melanerpes formicivorus)
1 comment:
Apparently in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of the characters that mean "dangerous" and "opportunity." Hope you find the gift in it.
The week you sent us the SCC CD, I spent a whole day crying. Actually a good chunk of the week. Utterly exhausting, and in the end nothing had changed as far as the situation that prompted my tears. Yet at the end of it all, I felt better, and still do.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. I hope you find truth in this, even if only by turning the dust and ashes into potting soil.
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